The Memory Keeper's Daughter: The Synopsis

It is 1964 in Lexington, Kentucky, and a rare and sudden winter storm has blanketed the area with snow. The roads are dangerous, yet Dr. David Henry is determined to get his wife Norah to the hospital in time to deliver their first child. But despite David's methodical and careful driving, it soon becomes clear that the roads are too treacherous, and he decides to stop at his medical clinic instead. There, with the help of his nurse Caroline, he is able safely to deliver their son, Paul. But unexpectedly, Norah delivers a second child, a girl, Phoebe, in whom David immediately recognizes the signs of Down's Syndrome.

David is a decent but secretive man-he has shared his difficult past with no one, not even his wife. It is a past that includes growing up in a poor, uneducated family and the death of a beloved sister whose heart defect claimed her at the age of twelve. The painful memories of the past and the difficult circumstances of the present intersect to create a crisis, one in which his overriding concern is to spare his beloved Norah what he sees as a life of grief. He hands the baby girl over to Caroline, along with the address of a home to which he wants her taken, not imagining beyond the moment, or anticipating how his actions will serve to destroy the very things he wishes to protect. Then he turns to Norah, telling her, "our little daughter died as she was born."

From that moment forward, two families begin their new, and separate, lives. Caroline takes Phoebe to the institution but cannot bear to leave her there. Thirty-one, unmarried, and secretly in love with David, Caroline has always been a dreamer, waiting for her real life to begin. Now when she makes her own split-second decision to keep and raise Phoebe as her own, she feels as if it finally has.

As Paul grows to adulthood, Norah and David grow more and more distant from each other. Norah, always haunted by the daughter she lost, takes a job that becomes an all-consuming career, and seeks the intimacy that eludes her with her own husband through a series of affairs. Feeling as if he's a disappointment to his father, Paul is angry and finds his only release through music. David, tormented by his secret, looks for solace through the lens of this camera, the "Memory Keeper," trying to make sense of this life through the images he captures.

But as 'The Memory Keeper's Daughter' so eloquently shows, life is a moving image, unfolding and changing beyond our control. Despite our desire to freeze a moment or to go back into the past and alter events, time presses us forward. With her heart-wrenching yet ultimately hopeful novel, Kim Edwards explores the elusive mysteries of grief and love, and the power of the truth both to shatter and to heal.

not this time.

A friday morning rush was probably one factor I did not make it for my driving practical this time round. But I couldn't put the blame much on anything else but myself, for it was my sheer jitters and lack of confidence (on the main roads) that cost me quite alot.

The courses within the circuit was not too much of a problem, except the slope where the vehicle rolled back a little. That constituted 2 demerit points. But the worst was to come on the main roads, where I had anticipated the traffic to be cruel to me that morning. The gist of why I had failed lies in the road condition, which is beyond my control. What's within my control is my ability to react responsively and confidently, which is what I need to work on next, to ensure I get my license at my second try.

Disappointment was definitely inevitable, but not quite expected. I guess I raised my expectations too high, that I should pass the first time round, without realising that greater disappointment comes with greater expectations. I guess not all things in life will go the way I want it to because most things are beyond my control. All I can do will be to face up to such setbacks with optimism and reflection, so that I can lift myself up from this small abyss. (Insya-allah)

Back to Home Team Academy!

Going back to HTA brought back lots of memories from our basic police training. It is almost infinite. Everywhere I went in HTA on Thursday reminded me of one or another candid moments when we were still trainees. (I was back there for my ORD Shoot.) I guess the people I was most looking forward to see on Thursday were a few of my previous squadmates, Nash and Suhaimi, who were 'destined' to spend their entire NS life in HTA as Field Instructors (FIs).

The pillars of Squad 01/06 (cheh!): Nash & I.

One year on...

In front of our Echo Coy.

Apart from the reminiscence of being back at HTA, a more pressing task was to attain marksmanship for my ORD Shoot. It was very disappointing when I got a 2nd class instead, 2 grades below what I targetted. Basically, it comprised 3 parts sequentially: First, basic shoot which includes a series of 5 rounds within 12 seconds, and then single round within 3 seconds each; Second, day shoot, with timing; Third, night shoot without timing. The second and third parts were known as realistic shooting, which is supposed to be more difficult than the foundational/basic shooting. My basic shooting was horrendous, attaining only 25 out of 40 points. That constitutes a 2nd class grading itself. My assumption was that, if I were to push and try harder for the subsequent parts, there is a possibility that I could still attain marksmanship. Indeed, I did much better for the second and third parts. It was in fact a marksman performance, ironically though, since realistic shooting was supposed to be harder than basic shooting. The thing is that, they do not count the best result out of the 3 rounds. It is in fact the opposite. Since my lousiest was a 2nd class grade, that is what I ultimately attain.

Disappointment was inevitable, since my $200 had diminished probably together with rounds that missed the target board. But reality soon set in that nothing in life will go the way you want it to and it is all very natural to encounter such minor setbacks. One'll just have to look on the bright side.

off goes 14 feb from my calendar this year.

self-explanatory.

an arduous month of February

It's going to be a tough month of february, or should I say that it has been a tough month in some aspects so far.

Once again, my new working shift has brought about some unforeseen effects. I felt rather detached from my social world for a period of time, because I couldn't find anyone to hang out with on my off days. It was bugging me for a little while and I felt unmotivated to do anything fruitful for some time.

Then, a series of 'tests' awaits me in the following days of february. In fact, I'm through with one - IPPT test. FYI, there is an IPPT test for every NSF at least a year after his enlistment and before he ORD. There's monetary reward for this test, which I reckon is sometimes the greatest motivation to do well. Gold for IPPT - $200; Silver - $100. I have always gone for the gold, and I eventually got it. But I had to struggle a little to hit a timing of 9mins 44secs and lesser for 2.4km. For that moment, I pushed myself to go further, go harder, go faster, with that (harmful thought) of $200 in mind. Yes it is unhealthy to keep money as a motivation sometimes. But that was how it worked for me. Finally, I clocked 9min 30secs, though I was aiming for a quicker timing. Nevertheless, $200's in my pockets! (haha)

I'll be going for a shooting test this thursday at Home Team Academy. For one, it will be reminiscent for me to return to HTA since that was were I had undergone my basic police training. On the other, it will be a challenge to get marksmanship for shooting as I have been quite inconsistent in this area. This is a case of '$200-or-nothing'. So it will be a great bonus (literally) for anyone to attain marksmanship.

Next would be my driving practical test. Having waited 6 months for this day, I seriously hope I wouldn't screw things up. Of course, there's no monetary reward for this. What I do hope to achieve at the end of the day is the license (duh). Please allow me to severe ties with the driving centre after the 23rd of February. Thanks.

Lastly, my CAAS scholarship assessment centre, perhaps the most challenging of all. I have very little idea what will be in store for me, but I sure hope to do well for it. After all, it will sum up an arduous month of February, hopefully in a good way.

Yes, I can do it!

what makes a new day, a new day?

Shaf, I dedicate this post to you, since you wanted updates (though quite irrelevant to dedicate it to you). Haha.

I was wondering: what makes a new day, feels like a new day?

There are a few probable answers (at least in my opinion):

1. Is it 00:00:01 hrs that makes a new day, feels like a new day?;
2. Or is it the arrival of the newspaper in the early hours of the morning?;
3. Or the dawning of a new day when the sun rises?
4. Or the sight of people during the morning rush hour, going to work or school like you do?
5. Or simply the moment you wake up in the morning?

For me, I would say it is a combination of all above. My sleeping pattern has been massively disrupted, due to the change in my working schedule. Now, I have to be an 'owl' every four days. On my night shift duties, time passes by slowly, very slowly (not if there's something to do). It seriously does not feel like a new day, until the newspaper man comes along. I found it rather interesting when the match Singapore vs Malaysia was being shown on tv during my night shift, and then in the matter of a few hours, the newspaper arrived with frontpage news about the match. It feels more like a new day, when I start to see daylight, and when I start to see people.

What's your take? What, to you, makes a new day feels like a new day?

(i'm so fresh and awake now - a testimony of my rojak sleeping pattern)