The Science of Human Relationship

My experience in Cambodia as part of the Youth Expedition Project in December 2004 is littered with many experiences that I had from day-to-day living there. But if there was any enlightenment I gained after the conclusion of the project, it has to be how the collision of souls can be so powerful and influential to a person. We spent most of the trip staying in the orphanage, where we turned from strangers to close confidants and game buddies to the kids.

In a matter of 17 days, our relationship with the kids grew so strong that it teared some of us when the time came for us to leave. It was so strong that there has been occasional letters and cards sent to some of us ever since we left. It was so strong that we found ourselves making hasty promises to return there one day. That we were able to forge a bond this strong with the orphanage kids within such a short span of time still largely remains a mystery to me. But it never stopped me from appreciating that it happened. Towards the end of the stay and also after, it made me realize how powerful human relationship can be.

Yet on the hindsight, ironically though, I was reminded of how brittle human relationship can be. On more instances than one, I felt temporal disdain towards some people together on the same project. They were those whose actions annoyed me, whose words irked me, and whose behaviors never really impressed me. However, these were very, very temporary, yet because I never once expressed my emotions openly, I alienated myself from the rest for a short period, giving excuses like I was searching my true self, when that was actually but a lie.

The paradoxical thing here is that, all these were brewing in me the same time I was developing the sweet experience with the kids there. To me, that is the amazing thing about how human relationship works. It is not only how your inner values and attitudes very much shape the extent of relationship you forge with another individual, but also how there can be exclusions to it.

When you meet a like-minded person, it is most probable that you will be able to share many common interests with each other. It is quite the contrary when the person you meet stands for values that go head-on with yours.

And the interesting thing is that the previous paragraph does not always have to be true. You can meet a like-minded person, but something somehow prevents the two of you from clicking off nice and well. Or you can meet someone that you initially shun but eventually hits it off with you. But the reason you initially shun is not only limited to differences in values (as in most casual relationships), but also spanned across differences in backgrounds, cultures and social stigmas.

It is always a nice feeling when you are able to form chemistry with someone whom you have many differences with. This feeling beats that which you get when you hit it off with someone almost like another you.

I’m very happy to be able to recognize and appreciate this science of human relationship, because it is one very important aspect of how people work and on a macro level, how societies function. If I were to be teleported back to December 2004, I am certain that I will be able to handle my emotions in a more mature way, to be more embracing of the fact that God made us all different and to be more accommodating and tolerant to people’s values and actions.